


Arrangement of Love

by docsangel



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 07:51:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18331784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/docsangel/pseuds/docsangel
Summary: Manda was a girl that was abused and neglected her entire life. No one even looked at her. She made sure she stayed hidden. Juice was a man that hated to be alone. Needed someone to care for him. Will a marriage arranged by the club save both of them?





	1. Chapter 1

At 18 years old, most girls dream about getting out in the world and getting their life started. Me? I just dream about living through the next day. I live with my mom who stays high all the time and my dad is a drunk that gambles. Everyday for me is a struggle. There have been days where I didn't have food and some days where I didn't leave the house because I had too many visible bruises. When I leave the house, I wear long sleeves and a hood and keep my head down. I don't let people see me. I can't. I live in Charming, California and for me it's anything but Charming. I did all I could to graduate a half year early and didn't plan on walking with the graduating class. No one would be there. No one even notices I'm not around. I don't even have any friends that I can talk to. I don't have anyone. When I finished school, I had a 4.0GPA and no one even knows it. But little did I know that things were about to change.

"Manda, get in here." my mom yelled. I went running like I always do so that I don't piss her off. Her and my dad are sitting at a table with a gray haired man in a leather kutte that I didn't know. I knew of his club though. You can't live in Charming and not know who they are. "Yes mom." I say. "Sit. This is Clay Morrow. He's the president of the Sons of Anarchy MC." My dad says. "Hello Mr Morrow. It's nice to meet you. Would you like something to drink?" I asked. "No Sweetheart but I do want to talk to you." he says and that scares me. "Me?" I asked. "Mr Morrow here, has been nice enough to pay off your dad's gambling debt." Mom says. "Thank you for that Mr Morrow." I say looking down. "We came to an agreement." Mom says. I look at her confused and she says "Manda, we have arranged for you to marry one of the guys from his club." she tells me. "An arranged marriage?" I asked softly knowing I couldn't say no. "Yes Sweetheart." he says. "The wedding has been planned and you will meet your husband at the alter." Mom explains. "When is the wedding?" I asked. "Tomorrow." Mr Morrow spoke up. I look up in shock. "Tomorrow?" I asked. "Yes. My wife took care of everything. Your dress and everything. Your father is going to walk you down the aisle and give you away. My wife will be here in the morning to help you get ready." he tells me. "Yes sir. Please tell your wife thank you for me." I say, being polite, knowing if I don't, Dad will beat me again. "Go get some rest Manda. You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow." Mom says. I excuse myself. "It was nice meeting you Mr Morrow. I will see you tomorrow. Good night." I say before heading into my room.

I walk into my bedroom and sit on the bed. Married. I think to myself. Maybe it won't be so bad. I just hope he isn't one to beat on me like my dad. But knowing my luck he will be worse. I lay on the bed and drift off to sleep.

The next morning, Mom wakes me up. "Get up and showered. Gemma will be here in an hour." she says. I get up and walk into the bathroom and shower and once out, I put on a button down and shorts and then blow dry my hair. Once that's done, mom walks in with a woman that I assume is Gemma. I don't meet her eyes. I never meet anyone's eyes. "Manda, this is Gemma Teller-Morrow. She's going to get you dressed and do your hair and makeup." mom tells me before walking out of the room. "Good morning Mrs Morrow. Thank you for this." I tell her. She walks over to me and tilts my head up to look at her and says "Honey, I don't have a daughter so this is going to be fun for both of us." She smiles at me and then asked "Did they tell you anything about the man you are marrying?" I shake my head no and she says "Well, his name is Juan Carlos and we call him Juice. He's a tech guy. Puerto Rican. Really sweet." she says. "I just hope he likes me." I say softly. "Sweetheart, have you ever been out with anyone?" she asked. "No ma'am. I don't let anyone see me." I tell her. "Can I ask you something?" I asked. "Sure baby." she says and I find her really easy to talk to. Nothing like my mother. "Why did you arrange a marriage to pay off my dad's debt?" I asked. "The guy you are marrying? He's a special one. He needs someone to love him. Someone to stand by him. He's lonely and he wants someone he can come home to." she tells me. "He can't find that on his own?" I asked. "It's not that easy baby. Most girls only go after the patch, not the man. This way, you know the man not the patch." she says. "Mrs Morrow, I haven't even kissed anyone." I say as a tear rolls down my cheek. I am already feeling like a disappointment to the man and I haven't even met him yet. "Okay, Sweetheart. First of all, none of that Mrs Morrow shit. You call me Gemma. Second, you will have to kiss him at the ceremony but he's really sweet. He won't pressure you for anything else before you're ready." she tells me and that eases my mind a little.

We get ready and she helps me put on this pretty white dress, which after my confession to her is actually appropriate, and we head out the door. The dress comes down to my ankles and has a sweetheart neckline with half shoulder straps and flows out softly at the waist. I put on a pair of white strappy heels that are only a couple of inches high before walking out the door with her. She tells my parents that we are meeting her there and that I am riding with her. Once in the car she asked me "How long your dad been hitting you?" I look down at my hands and said "I don't remember a time when he didn't. Mom's not much better." She sighs and says "Juice won't hit you. He ain't built that way." I release a breath I didn't know I was holding and she reaches over and takes my hand. "Once that ring is on your finger, sweetheart, you will not be their daughter anymore. You will be mine. You need anything you come to me. You will meet Tara and Lyla. They are Jax and Opie's wives. They will help you too." she says and I whisper "Thank you."

We get to the clubhouse where the wedding will be held and they bring me in the back door. Apparently, they didn't give this Juice guy a choice in the matter either. All I can do from here is try to be what he needs no matter what. My dad walks up next to me, "You ready?" he asked. "Yes sir." I say. "Good. Once you say your vows, me and your mom are leaving." he tells me and I look at him. The music starts and he starts to walk me down the aisle. I see a room full of people that I don't know all stand to watch me walk to the makeshift altar. Walking up, I have my head down a little to keep people from looking at me. I get to the altar and the preacher says "Who here gives this woman to be wed?" My dad speaks up and says "Her mother and I do." He places my hand into the hand of a man I have never seen before. He has sad eyes and a sad smile. He leads me forward and leans over and says "You look beautiful." his first words to me and he says I look beautiful. "Thank you. So do you." I whisper. We stand there in silence while the preacher goes through his speech. "Juan Carlos Ortiz, do you take Manda Mae Lewis to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold until death do you part?" Juan looks at me and smiles softly and says "I do." Looking at me, the preacher says "Manda Mae Lewis, do you take Juan Carlos Ortiz to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold until death do you part?" I look at Juan and says "I do." After a few more words, the preacher says "By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." Juan moves closer to me and places his hands on each side of my face and kisses me softly. Not a chaste kiss but a soft, sweet kiss. For a first kiss it was perfect. We just look into each other's eyes for a minute before Clay speaks up and says "Now it's time to party!" The music gets turned on and everyone is passing out drinks.

Once the music starts, my parents come up to me and say, "We are leaving. You take care of yourself." They hug me awkwardly before walking out the door. Juan takes my hand again and squeezes. Leaning over he says "I promise to treat you better than that." I look at him and smile and squeeze his hand back. Gemma comes over and takes me and Juan around for me to meet everyone. During this entire time, Juan is either holding my hand or had his hand on the small of my back. Almost like he is protecting me already. Then Gemma says we have to cut the cake. One of the friends of the club did a wedding picture for us and we were cutting the cake. He was very careful not to get it on my face and I was as well. I think everyone could see that we were both nervous.

After the party got into full swing, Juan asked if I wanted to go somewhere quiet to talk. I nodded my head yes and he lead me down the hallway. I started getting nervous because I had just had my first kiss but he lead me to a ladder. I looked at him confused and he said "It goes to the roof, it's quiet up there. I nod and climb up the ladder with him behind me. Once we are up there, he takes my hand and we go to sit on the air unit. "I'm sorry that you got pulled into this." he says. "It's okay. So far everyone has been better to me than my parents were. I'm actually glad that I am out of there." I tell him. "Was it that bad?" he asked. "Dad gambles and drinks and hits me and mom. Mom is hooked on whatever she can get her hands on so it's pretty much been me just hiding from everyone." I tell him. "How long have you been hiding?" he asked. "Juan, that kiss during our wedding? That was my first kiss." I tell him and look down, embarrassed. "Don't do that. You're my wife. You don't have to hide from me. I promise I won't pressure you for anything you aren't ready for. Okay? All I ask is that you be there for me." he said. "I think I can handle that." I say. "So, tell me about yourself. What do you like to do?" he asked. "I like to sing. Being alone all the time, you have to find ways to entertain yourself. I grew up here in Charming. Graduated half a year early with a 4.0GPA but didn't tell my parents that. They think I just dropped out of school." I tell him. "Did you want to go to college?" he asked. "I wanted to be a writer." I tell him. "You know, you can go to college and be a writer if that's what you want." he tells me. "I can't. It will cost too much. But I'm okay with that." I say. "I will help you." he says. "You don't have to do that. It's fine. I promise." I say. He looks at me and tells me, "I promise I will be better to you than they were. Okay?" Taking his hand in both of mine I say "You already have." We spend a few hours up on the roof just talking and getting to know each other. He seems easy to talk to. I can see why Gemma said he was the sweet one.

We finally decide to come down and Gemma asked where we were. "We were on the roof talking. Figured I might want to get to know my wife a little." Juan says and Gemma says, "Well, nothing wrong with that. You okay honey?" she asked me. "Yes. Thank you for everything Gemma. The wedding was perfect." I tell her. "Good baby. Now, Juice, take your wife home and let her get some rest. I know she probably hasn't slept good in a while." she says. We both hug her and head out to his bike. I pull my dress up and tuck it in between my legs after I get on behind Juan. We take off and within a few minutes we were pulling into a driveway. The house was small but looked homey. Walking inside, it was clean and nicely decorated. "I know it's not much but it's home." he says "Juan, this is a lot better than what I came from. It's perfect." I tell him. He walks over to me and pulls me to him and asked "Can I kiss you again? That last one was kind of nice." he says. I nod my head yes and he leans down and kisses me softly. He deepens the kiss but just a little to keep from scaring me but something about him make me okay with it. As we pulled apart, he says "Your clothes were brought over earlier and already unpacked. Tara headed out early and took care of it for us." he said, leading me to the bedroom that we would share, he showed me where my things were. Showing me the bathroom and where to find the towels, he said "Gemma stocked us up with all things girlie for you. If there's anything not here that you need, let me know and we can get it." I walk to him and kiss his lips softly (I don't know where this courage comes from) and tell him thank you before getting in the shower.

After my shower, I walk into the bedroom and he is already in bed. Seeing him without a shirt, I stare a little and he smiles at me. "I can put on a shirt if you aren't comfortable with this." I come back to reality and say "No. It's fine. Better to just jump in feet first, right?" He smiles again and turns the covers down for me to get in and I climb into bed. Laying down, I turn my back to him not knowing what to do. He slides over behind me and puts his arm around me, pulling me to him. "Is this okay?" he asked. "Yeah. That okay." I say. I lay there for a few minutes and decide to throw caution to the wind. "Juan?" I asked. "Yeah babe." he answers. "Will you do something for me?" I asked. "Anything." he says. I turn over onto my back and say "Juan, I feel so stupid asking this. I have never…" I say and he realized what I was talking about. "Manda, we don't have to do anything you aren't ready for." he assures me. "I know but I want to. I am tired of still feeling like a child. You are my husband and I should want to be with you." I tell him. "But if you aren't ready…" he says and I say "Juan, you are my husband. You were my first kiss and it's only right you are my first. I want this but I don't want to disappoint you." I tell him. Kissing my lips softly, he says "If you are sure you are ready, I promise you won't disappoint me" I wrap my arms around his neck and he kisses me softly before deepening the kiss. He slowly kisses down my neck and starts to undress me. Once undressed, he hovers over me and asked "Are you sure? We don't have to." I smile softly and say, "I'm sure." He slowly enters me and gives me a minute to adjust. I wince a little and he asked "You okay? Want me to stop?" I say "I'm okay. Just be gentle." He whispers "Always." before slowly thrusting in and out. After a few minutes, he starts thrusting a little faster and before I know it, I start to see stars behind my eyes and feel myself arching against him. A few minutes later, he grunts and just hovers over me. He had found his release inside me. Pulling out, he lays beside me and is trying to catch his breath. He doesn't say anything and he doesn't touch me. I turn to the side, facing away from him scared I did something wrong. Rolling over behind me he rolls me over to my back. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked concerned. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked. "Baby, no. You were perfect. I just needed a minute to catch my breath. I didn't realize how tight you would be and it caused me a little sensory overload. You were perfect baby." he says before pulling me into him and holding me. Kissing me softly he says "Thank you." he says. I look at him confused. "For what?" I asked. "Being with me." he says. "Thank you for saving me." I say. "Let's get some sleep baby. Good night Mrs Ortiz." he says. "Goodnight Mr Ortiz." I say before we drift off to sleep in each other's arms and for the first time ever, I felt like everything would be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up the next morning, I still feel Juan wrapped around me. I can't help but smile a little. I snuggle in closer to him and feel him tighten his arms around me tighter. I lay there for a little longer in his arms until I hear his soft snores again and I sneak out of his arms. I decide that if I am starting this chapter of being a wife, I will do it right. Sneaking into the kitchen in my sleep shorts and his shirt, I pull out the eggs, bacon and the things I need to make biscuits and get started. I start a pot of coffee too. I am so busy getting breakfast going that I don't hear Juan come to the kitchen door. "Morning babe." he says smiling the first real smile I have seen from him yet. I jump a little and smile softly and say "Morning Juan." He walks over to the counter as I pour him a cup of coffee as well as my own. "How'd you sleep?" he asked as he takes a sip of coffee. I look at him for a second and smile bigger. "I actually slept great. It's the first time I have slept all night in a long time. How about you?" I asked. "Better than I have in years." he says and he stands closer to me and seems like he wants to touch me. He reaches over and pulls me to him. Putting his arm around my waist and kisses me softly. "If you want to shower real fast, I will finish getting breakfast done." I tell him. "Okay baby." he smiles and heads down the hall to the bathroom.

After his shower, he heads back to the kitchen as I am plating his food. I place the plate on the table with a glass of orange juice and then get my own. He takes a bite of food and says "This tastes great babe. Thanks." I smile and say "Can I talk to you about something?" He looks at me and says "You can talk to me about anything." I smile and say "I know you go by Juice at the clubhouse. Is it okay if I call you Juice when we are with everyone else and just call you Juan when we are alone?" He takes my hand and says "That's fine babe. But I get to call you babe, anytime I want." I laugh a little and say, "You have so far." and he laughs with me.

I clean up the kitchen and get dressed and I ask "Do you have to be at the clubhouse today?" He says "Nope. I have a few days. You know. Honeymoon and all." We sit on the couch and he puts puts his arm around me and then asked "Is this okay?" I sit up and look at him and say, "Juan, I'm your wife. Please don't be afraid to touch me. I won't break and to be honest, it feels really nice when you do." He pulls me closer to him and kisses me softly before pulling me onto his lap. Pulling away he says "If it gets to be too much, tell me and I'll stop." I kiss him softly and say "Juan, make love to me. Please." He picks me up and carries me to our room and places me on the bed. Kissing me softly flows over to kissing more feverently. That moves over into shedding clothes and before he enters me, he kisses me and whispers "You are so beautiful." He enters me and thrusts in and out slowly and eventually speeds up the pace. I start feeling myself falling over the edge and he follows right after me. He still hovers over me for a minute before kissing me softly and asking, "Are you okay?" I smile at him softly and say "Never been better." He lays down beside me and we both catch our breath but this time, instead of me worrying about if I did something wrong, he reaches over and takes my hand and intertwines our fingers. We lay like that for a few more minutes before he leans over me and says "Get dressed. Let's go for a ride." I nod and get up and start getting dressed like he told me to.

Half an hour later, we are out the door. He hands me a helmet and starts putting his on. "Gemma bought it. Said you would need it." he says as I get on behind him. I wrap my arms around his waist and he pulls me tighter against him. "You ready?" he asked and I said "Oh yeah." We pull out of the driveway and next thing I know, we are leaving Charming. I had never been out of Charming. Like I said before, I stayed at home and didn't leave the house unless I had to. We drive for a little while and he pulls down this gravel road. When he comes to a stop and we get off, he takes my hand and says, "I want to show you something." We walk down a narrow path to the river. Sitting on one of the rocks on the edge, he helps me up and pulls me into his side. I have noticed that he is a very affectionate person and I am really starting to like that. "I like to come here to think. Like when my mind won't shut off." he says. "It's peaceful here." I tell him. I see why he likes it here. We sit for a little while in silence and I asked "Are you okay with this arrangement?" He looks at me shocked and says "At first, I didn't know if I would be but after meeting you, I am. Believe me, I am. Are you?" he asked. "I was scared when Clay told me that I was getting married. I was so scared that I would disappoint you. Still am. I don't know how to be a wife. I had already resigned to the idea that I would be alone the rest of my life. But now, after meeting you and spending some time with you, I see why Gemma said you were a sweet one. I am really glad we are together." I tell him. He smiles wide and my heart melts. The butterflies that were in my stomach before are doing somersaults at the smile he is giving me. "Well, now that we are married, no matter what, we have each other." he says and I smile and says "No matter what."

We sat for a while before heading back to the bike. We get on and he takes off and pulls into the lot of a little diner. We go in and order food and talk more while we were eating. He starts telling me more about his family back in Queens and I tell him more about my parents and how I grew up. He takes my hand and says "Well, that's all behind you now." and I can't help but smile. After we eat, we get on the bike and head back home. We sit down and watch a movie and my stomach starts growling. Juan looks at me and laughs a little. "Are you hungry babe?" he asked. "Yeah. A little. What do you want for dinner?" I asked, completely ready to get up and cook. "We can just order pizza." he says. He takes out his phone and orders pizza and I curl back into his side. When the pizza arrives, I am in the kitchen. "Babe? You got any cash?" he asked. I remembered that he gave me cash this morning. "Yeah. It's in my wallet. Just grab it." I say like it's the most normal thing in the world. I walk into the living room and he has the pizza in one hand and my wallet in the other. Taking my wallet he asked "Why didn't you tell me today was your birthday?" he asked. I shrug and say "It's just another day." He looks at me and says "No. It's not. We have to celebrate." he says. "Juan. It's just another day. Let's watch another movie." I say hoping he will drop it. I put my wallet back in my purse and head to the couch. "Why don't you like your birthday?" he asked. "My entire life, no one ever acknowledged it. So, it's just another day to me." I say. "Not anymore. It's the day we get to celebrate my wife coming into the world. From now on, it's important." he says and I just wrap my arms around him and put my head on his chest.

I must have dozed off because when I wake up, I am in our bed and he is snoring next to me. Smiling, I get up and head to the kitchen to start breakfast. While cooking, I hear him say "Great. Thanks Gem." before he hangs up. It's not my business what he's talking about but he walks behind me and puts his arms around me. "We have dinner at Gemma's tonight. We have to be there at six." he tells me. "Okay. Do I need to make anything?" I asked. "Nope. We just have to show up." he tells me with a little grin. I wonder what that's about. We have breakfast and then we are hanging out on the back deck, just enjoying the sunshine. "Do you have to go back to work tomorrow?" I asked. "Yeah. I do. We got bills babe." he says and kisses my cheek. He has his arms around me and I am sitting in his lap. "I should get a job." I say. "Nope. You are going to let me take care of you." he says. "Juan, I need my own money." I tell him. "Well, how about this. I'll talk to Gemma. She's needing some help in the office at the garage so then you can work and still be close by so I can make sure you are safe." he suggests. "I don't know. You'll get tired of seeing me all the time." I tell him. "Nope I wouldn't. I'd like having my wife close." he says. "You like calling me your wife don't you?" I asked laughing. "Yeah. I kinda do." he says before pulling me into a passionate kiss.

At six on the dot, we walk up to Gemma's door. I am nervous as hell because this is the first family dinner that I have been to. Walking into the house, Gemma comes to greet us. "Hey baby. How are you?" she asked. "Good Gemma. Real good." I tell her and she raises a questioning brow. "Juice, head into the living room while I steal your wife away for a while." she says and pulls me into the kitchen but not before Juan kisses my cheek. We get to the kitchen and I see Tara and Lyla helping cook and some of the croweaters. "Girls, keep working on dinner. Tara, Lyla, follow us." she says and we walk out to the back deck. "Okay girlie. Spill. How has your honeymoon been?" Gemma asked, knowing that I was a virgin and worried about it. "It's been great, Gemma. You were right. He is so sweet and gentle and really affectionate." I tell her. "Didn't I tell you he would wait?" she asked and they looked at me confused. "My kiss at the altar, was my first kiss. I was a virgin." I tell Tara and Lyla and Gemma pipes up "Was?" They all look at me shocked and I said, "Yes. Was. I had sex with Juan on my wedding night." I tell them and I start to blush. "That's great baby. Really great." Gemma tells me. "It was, Gemma. He was so gentle and sweet and I really like him." I tell her. "Good because from what we saw when you walked in, he is pretty taken with you too." Gemma says. They hug me and tell me congratulations and we head back inside. "Can I help with anything?" I asked. "Nope. Go on out there with your husband." she tells me and smirks. I blush a little and walk into the living room. I find Juan sitting on a chair alone and when he sees me, he smiles. I walk over and sit on the arm of his chair and he pulls me into his lap and kisses me softly. "Hey baby." he says. "Hey." I say and lay my head on his shoulder as he goes back to his conversation with Bobby.

At dinner, I am seated next to Juan. The entire time, he either has his arm across the back of my chair, on my leg or holding my hand. It's sweet, really. After dinner, dessert is served. I see candles of the numbers one and nine and I look at Juan. "Happy birthday baby." and he kisses me softly. I feel tears well up in my eyes as they all sing happy birthday to me and we cut the cake. After cake, they bring out gifts. I didn't expect any of this. I had never gotten gifts before. Most of the guys got me scarves or necklaces. Gemma got me a beautiful pearl set that made me tear up. It was beautiful. But it was Juan's gift that really got me. I opened the box and there was a laptop. I looked at him and he said, "You need something to do your writing on." I leaned over and kissed him. I look at everyone and say "You all have no idea how much this means to me. You all barely know me and you have already treated me like I am family. Thank you all." Gemma pulls me into a hug and says "Baby, you are family."

After we get home, Juan helps me get my laptop set up and there was a knock on the door. He walks over and let's the person in and I see it's the one they call Happy. "There's one more gift." Juan says. I look at him confused. "Juan, you've done more than enough." I say. "Well, this one is for both of us. You know I told you that being my wife you are also my Old Lady? Well, all Old Ladies have their man's crow on them. Hap is here to give you my crow." he says and I smile and say "Really?" Gemma had already told me what that meant. I know he didn't have a say in me being his wife but he has a say on if I have his crow or not. Hap sets everything up and a couple of hours later, I have my first tattoo. My Old Man's crow.

Settling into bed that night, Juan pulls me to him and I say "Thank you, Juan." He looks at me and says "You don't have to thank me." I smile and say "I never had anyone actually care about me. But you make me feel like you do. I really could fall in love with you." I tell him but I think I already am. "I feel the same way. You don't know how much you have changed my outlook just in the couple of days of being here." he says. "Now, let's get some sleep. Goodnight babe." I snuggle into him more and say "Goodnight my love." I say and feel him hold me tighter and I can feel his smile against my skin.


	3. Chapter 3

Juice and I have been married three months and are at one of SAMCRO's Friday night parties when a black car pulls into the lot. I see Clay, Tig and Happy walk over to the guy and start talking. One of his goons looks over at me and Juice pulls me behind him, seemingly out of sight. Once the guys is gone, Clay comes over with a business card and tells Juice to find out all he knows. Juice looks at me and asked "Are you okay baby?" I just nod my head. The way that guy looked at me made my nerves go on overload. "I got her, baby." Gemma says and Juice kisses me and heads inside to do his research. "Are you okay?" Gemma asked me. "I think so. I have seen that guy somewhere before." I tell her. "Who?" she asked. "The one with the tattoo on his throat. I just can't place where." Then it hits me. "Gemma, I know who he is. That's AJ Weston. He's one of my mom's dealers." I tell her. Gemma calls Clay over. "Manda knows one of that guy's goons." she says. "Who is he Sweetheart?" Clay asked. "His name is AJ Weston. He was one of mom's dealers. Everytime he came over, he would watch every move I made. Used to creep me out." I told him. "Do you know anything about him?" he asked. "Just what I heard mom say. He was always asking how old I was and when I would turn 18. He told her that he would take me for trade for her drugs. I don't know if she ever said anything about agreeing but I would not have put it past her." I tell him. "Do you know the other guy? Zobelle?" he asked. "No but I heard Dad talk about him once. He said he was the head of some white supremacy group and that he was moving into town to 'cleanse' the town. But dad said he wasn't really for the cause. That the only color he cared about was green." I said. "That's good baby girl. You think of anything else, you find one of us." Clay said and Juice comes walking out. "You got a good girl there Juice." Clay says and Juice just smiles. "You okay baby?" he asked, pulling me to him. "Yeah. I knew one of those guys because of mom so I told Clay what I knew." I told him. "Good. That's good baby."

An hour later, everyone was gone but the club and Old Ladies. I was sitting on one of the couches when the prospect that I came to know as Kip comes over and offers me a bottled water. I take it gladly and we just sit there. The guys come out of church and Juice takes my hand and leads me out the door to head home. Once we walk into the house, he pulls me to him. "You did good tonight babe. Clay said you didn't hesitate to tell him what you knew. You told him without asking. Do you know how good of an Old Lady you are becoming?" he asked. "I knew he needed the info." I say. "Yeah but most women, Gemma included, would have asked questions but you didn't. Do you know how good that looks on me that I have an Old Lady that's showing her devotion to me and my club?" he asked and I just lower my head. "Gemma said that everything we do is a reflection of you to the club. I just don't want to screw up." I say. He tilts my head to look at him and says "You are an amazing Old Lady. I love you Manda Ortiz." he says. I look at him shocked. "I love you too Juan Carlos." I say and he pulls me to him and kisses me deeply.

He picks me up bridal style and we head to bed. He kisses me softly and I deepen the kiss. We slowly undress each other and he enters me slowly. Thrusting in and out slowly, making love to me, I start to writhe underneath him. "Faster Juan." I moan and he doesn't disappoint. I moan louder and louder until I reach my release. He moans my name as he reaches his right behind me. "I love you Juan. I never thought I would love someone but I love you." I tell him. "I love you too Baby. Always." he says before kissing me again. He rolls off of my and pulls me into his side. I turn my back to him and snuggle against him and he pulls me as close as he can get me.

The next morning, Juan's prepay starts ringing. He answers it and sits straight up. "We are on our way." Juan says hanging up. "Babe, get up and get dressed. We have to go to St Thomas. Gemma's been in an accident." he says. I jump up and get dressed. Pulling my hair into a messy bun and heading out the door. We get to St Thomas and head to the front desk. "Gemma Morrow was brought in. Where is she?" I asked. "And you are?" the nurse asked. "Her daughter." I say and Juan looks at me smiling. She tells us where to go and Juan asked, "Daughter?" I say "She told me once I married you I was her daughter, not theirs so yes, daughter." He takes my hand and we run into the waiting room where Clay was. He fills us in on what's going on. Tara comes out and gives us an update. "Can we see her?" Clay asked. "We are still running tests and it will be a while." Tara says. "Clay, I'll stay here with her if you need to go. I can call you as soon as we know something." I tell him. "Yeah. Okay. Thank you Sweetheart." Clay tells me, kissing my forehead. "Juice, stay with your Old Lady. Don't let them out of your sight." Clay says and Juan nods. "Can I see her?" I asked. "Yeah. Juice you will have to stay in the hall with the tests we are running." Tara says and he nods.

Getting to her room, I walk in and I see her. I see how shaken she is. I have seen how strong this woman is. There's something going on. "Hey Ma." I say and she smiles. I had started calling her Ma lately and she loves it. "Hey baby. Guys still here?" she asked. "No, I sent them on. Juan is outside the door though. He's going to stay with us." I tell her and she nods. "Now, you wanna tell me what really happened?" I asked and she looks at me shocked. "I know this isn't from a wreck." I whisper. She tells me about the guys that beat her and raped her. "Ma, you gotta tell Clay. Did they have any ink?" I asked. "One of them, the one that did the talking had an upside down peace sign on his throat." she said. I tense up. "That's Weston." I tell her. "Gemma, you gotta tell the guys." I tell her. "No, that's what they want. They want the guys to do something. You can't tell anyone either. Not even Juice." she says. "Gemma, I won't keep things from Juan but I will make him keep it to himself until you decide to tell them." I tell her. She nods her okay and Tara finishes the tests. I drive her home and when we leave, Juan and I go home.

Walking in the door, I tell him. "I need to talk to you. But what I am going to tell you has to stay between us. Please." I tell him and he nods. "Gemma wasn't in an accident. She wanted me to keep this to myself but I told her I was not going to hide things from you. But I need you to keep this quiet until I can talk her into telling Clay first." I say and he says "Okay. What happened?" he asked. I say "She was stopped by a blonde woman yelling that her baby was choking. Gemma got out to help her and saw that it was a baby doll. The woman hit her over the head with something and knocked her out. She woke up chained to a fence and three men came in and beat her and raped her, repeatedly. I asked if she saw any ink and she said there was one that had something on his throat. I know who it was. It was AJ Weston and he's working for Zobelle. She said that they wanted her to pass the message not to sell guns to color." I say and Juan pulls me to him. "We have to talk her into telling them." he says.

A few days later, Jax starts talking about going Nomad. "Gemma you need to tell them. They need to see the bigger picture right now and get their heads outta their asses." I tell her. "I know. Look, I will have Jax and Tara come over tonight and tell Clay and Jax at the same time." she tells me. "I will let Juan know. He's been keeping it secret but he's been pulling intel on them too so when it's brought to the club, he will be able give them the info they need." I tell her.

That next morning, Juan was called to church. He told me to pack a bag that we were staying at the clubhouse until this was done. He didn't want me alone just incase. I didn't argue. Once we were at the clubhouse, Gemma cornered me. "Thank you for keeping that a secret." she says. "Ma, it's okay. But I won't keep things from my husband. I won't break that trust." I tell her. "I know and you did good. You kept true to your Old Man and still let me be the one to tell them." she says. "You are a good Old Lady." she says and Juan walks up and says "Yes she is." He pulls me to him and says "Let's go to our room." Walking into our dorm room, he locks the door and pulls me to the bed. "We are planning on meeting up with them tonight. Our best ten against their best ten. You need to make sure you stay here and inside this clubhouse." he tells me. "I will Juan. I promise." I say. Pulling me to him I say "Please just be careful. I need you to come back whole. You are all I have." He kisses the top of my head and says "I will always come back. I promise baby." I lay down on the bed and pull him with me. I kiss him and say "I think you need to claim your Old Lady." He smiles and says "Hell yeah I will."


	4. Chapter 4

A couple of hours later, the guys come back and I see Juan's face all busted up. I run to him and throw my arms around him and pull him to me. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close burying his face in my hair. We pull apart and he walks me to the dorm where I start cleaning him up. I don't ask anything. I know when he has his thoughts together he will tell me. After about twenty minutes, he finally speaks. "The fight got interrupted because fucking Hale showed up." I still don't say anything and he continues. "We are on lockdown until we take care of him. We just don't know how to get to him." he says. "His kids." I say. Juan stops my hands from cleaning his face and asked "What?" I look at him and say, "There's nothing more that man loves than his kids. He has two boys and most of the time they are home alone. His kids get taken away, he finds out that it's the club's doing, he gets pissed and starts making himself known instead of staying hidden." I tell him. He stands and pulls me to him and kisses me hard. "You are a fucking genius baby. I fucking love you. We gotta tell Clay." he says and pulls me out into the main room.

Once in the main room, Juan pulls me with him to Clay. "Clay, we need to get the guys together. Manda just had a fuckin brilliant idea." he says. Clay looks at me and asked "You willing to tell everyone or you want your Old Man to?" I looked at Juan and he nodded his head and I say "I can." He calls church and the guys go into the chapel. Juan takes my hand and leads me in with him. We walk to his seat and he pulls me to his lap and everyone is looking at me strange, wondering why I am in there. "Manda here has some info that we might find useful." Clay says and Juan tells me to go ahead. I don't do or say anything until Juan gives me the okay. "You guys want to pull Weston out? Go for his kids. Call DHS and tell them that his kids are home alone and that they are 10 and 7 and they will pick the kids up. Weston finds out that the club was behind it he will be pissed. Weston is a hot head. He acts before he thinks and he loves his kids more than anything. He will get pissed and start coming after the club instead of hiding like a smart man." I say. "Are you sure that's how he will react?" Jax asked. "Yeah. It never took much for my parents to piss him off and he would always react before thinking. It will work." I tell them. "Well, Sweetheart, let us talk about it and if we think it will work then we'll get it done. Thank you." Clay said. I get up and start to walk out of the chapel and Clay speaks up. "You're a good girl, Manda. You are making us proud." he says. "Thank you Clay. I feel I owe it to you for getting me out of that house. This club is my family and I'll do what I can for all of you." I say before walking out the door.

A little bit later, Juan comes out and says "Your idea passed. We are putting it into motion." He pulls me to him and says "I hope you realize how amazing you are, babe." I just smile and snuggle into his side. "I have to find out where he lives so it might take a while." he says. "I've been to his house. Mom made me babysit the boys. Here's the address." I say and hand him the paper. He looks at me with a strong look of pride on his face. Kissing me he says "I love you." I smile. "I love you too." He walks away and heads to Clay to show him that I had already given him the address to Weston's house. The more info I can give the better right? Juan comes back and says "Stay here until we get this done. I love you, Manda Ortiz." he tells me before kissing me. "I love you too, Juan Carlos Ortiz." I say smiling. "I'll look after her." Gemma says before Clay kisses her and they head out the door.

Sitting on one of the couches, Gemma tells me, "You know how proud he is of you right?" I just look at my hands. "I just don't want to fuck up. I want to be a good wife for him. A good Old Lady." I say. "Baby girl, you see how happy he is? How confident he is? He wasn't like that before you. You have done that for him. You keep him level. That's what a good wife and Old Lady does. And you have helped the club and me so much with this Weston shit. The club respects you and trusts you." she said. "Gemma, I'm not just doing it for Juan. You guys saved me. I have no doubt my mom would have traded me to Weston for drugs. I would be a fucking baby factory if it weren't for you all." I tell her and she pulls me to her and says "That's what family does baby."


	5. Chapter 5

It seemed like hours before the guys came back. Juan walks to me and picks me up over his shoulder and carries me to his dorm room, smacking my ass along the way. We get into the room and he locks the door before crashing his lips to mine. When we come up for air he says "I. Fucking. Love. You." and kisses me again. The way he is kissing me just takes my breath away. After he finally lets me breathe, he sits down on the bed and pulls me to straddle him. "We got Hale to go with us to his house. Hale took the kids and called DHS. They are in state custody now. So, all we have to do is wait on Weston to make a move." he explains. "Are we still on lockdown until he does something?" I asked. "Yeah. So no going out without an escort." he tells me.

Gemma tells the guys that we are going to have to go to the store to pick up supplies. Clay sends the prospect with me and Gemma and I head out to the car. Juan kisses me and tells me, "Stay with the prospect. Don't get out of his sight." I kiss him back and say "I won't. I promise." We walk out the door and head out of the lot with the prospect behind us. Pulling up to the store, we get out and head inside to get what we need. Once outside, We are putting things in the trunk and back seat and I forget something inside. "Gemma, I need to get something. I'll be right back." I tell her. "Sure, baby." she tells me and I head back inside. I walk to the aisle that I need and start to look for what I need and I feel a hand on my arm and something poking me in the side. "Hello Manda." Weston says. "You're coming with me. You scream, I shoot you. Got it?" he asked. "Y-yeah." I say, knowing he will kill me and not think twice about it.

Outside the store, Gemma and the prospect are waiting on me and seeing that I am taking too long. "Where is that girl?" Gemma asked. They walk back into the store and start looking for me. Looking at one of the clerks that helped them a few minutes ago, Gemma asked, "You see the girl that was here with me a few minutes ago?" The girl looks up and says "She went out the side door just a few minutes ago." Gemma looks at her scared. "Was she with anyone?" Gemma asked. "Yeah. There was a guy with her. She didn't look like she wanted to go." the clerk said. Gemma rushes outside and tells the prospect, "Call Clay. Now!" Gemma yelled. Sack calls Clay and hands the phone to Gemma. "Clay. Weston has Manda." she says and Clay says they are on their way.

The club pulls up a few minutes later. Juice jumps off and runs to Gemma, "Where is she?" he asked starting to panic. "She went back inside. Said she forgot something and went back in. After a few minutes, she still hadn't come out, I went in looking for her and the clerk said she was taken out the side door and that she didn't look like she wanted to go." Gemma explains. "I'm sorry baby." Gemma says. "Clay, we gotta find her." Juice almost pleads. "Let's get back to the clubhouse. We figure this shit out, now." Clay says and they all head out to the clubhouse.

Going into the chapel, they start forming a plan. "We know who has her. We just have to find out where he's keeping her." Clay says. Juice has his laptop on the table top and typing away looking at where they could be. "I think I found something. There's a house out on the edge of town that is still in his mom's name and it looks like it's secluded." Juice says. "Let's head out." Clay says and they head out to their bikes and to the house where they think that Manda is being held by Weston.

Pulling up just down the road from the house, Sack runs down to see if he can see her. Sneaking up to the house, he looks into one of the windows and sees Manda tied to a chair, her head down looking like she is unconscious. Sack sees one guy in the room with her and moves around to see what else he can see. Sneaking back to the guys, he says "There's one in the room with her, looks like one in the living room with Weston." Sack says. "Is she okay?" Juice asked. "She's tied to a chair and looks like she's unconscious." he tells them. "Let's go. Hap, Koz and Opie go in the back. Jax, me, Chibs and Juice go in the front." Clay says. "Weston's mine." Juice said and they all nod.

Sneaking back up to the house, they bust in from the back and front at the same time, guns drawn. Weston and his men draw their guns but Happy shoots one in the head, dropping him. Chibs shoots another in the throat and he falls, bleeding out. Happy and Tig, grab Weston and tie him up while Juice heads to the bedroom to get Manda. Opening the bedroom door, Juice takes in the sight in front of him. He runs to Manda and lifts her head while Jax starts untying her. "Manda, baby, please wake up. Baby, I need you to wake up." Juice pleads. Manda stirs and whispers "Juan?" and her eyes flutter opened just as Jax gets the ropes untied. Juice picks her up and starts carrying her out of the room. Chibs walks over and takes Manda from him and he says "I'll take her to the clubhouse and check her out." Juice nods his head as Chibs takes her to the van and heads to the clubhouse.

Juice walks back into the house as Clay and Jax are moving the bodies of the two men into the other van that was there for disposal. Walking into the bedroom where Manda had been held, Weston was tied to the chair. Getting down into Weston's face he seethes "You think you can get away with hurting my wife? You racist piece of shit." Before Juice can say anything else, Weston speaks. "She needed to be cleansed so she can breed the pure race. Not a wetback's bastard." Juice punches Weston in the jaw, almost knocking him over. "You will never touch my wife again. And your little racist offspring? They will go to good homes where they can be 'cleansed' of your bullshit." he said. Weston doesn't say anything else. Juice stands up and takes his K-bar out of its sheathe and looks at Weston one more time, before slicing Weston's throat and watching him bleed out, feeling a sick sense of satisfaction. Clay walks over to him. "You did good son. Avenge your Old Lady. Go to her. We got this." Clay says. Juice nods and heads back to the clubhouse.

Pulling up at the clubhouse, he parks his bike and runs into the clubhouse. Seeing Gemma, she walks to him and says, "She's in your room resting. Chibs is still with her." Juice nods his thanks and heads straight back to his dorm. Walking into the room, Chibs walks over and says, "He knocked her around a little. Bruised ribs but that's about it." Juice looks at him and says "Did he…" Chibs cuts him off and says "She's still yours." Juice releases the breath he was holding before Chibs pats his shoulder and leaves the room. Manda was laying under the covers. She was changed into one of his shirts and a pair of his sweatpants. He strips down and climbs into bed with me and I curl into his side as she starts to wake up a little. "Juan?" I whisper. "I'm here baby. I got you." he whispers back. "Is he…" Juice cut me off, "It's done." I sigh and lean up and kisses him. "Love me Juan Carlos. Please?" I whisper. "I love you Manda." he says before kissing me and slowly making love to me and showing me how much he loves me."


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up the next morning with Juice still beside me, watching me. "Did you sleep?" I asked him. "Not really. Wanted to make sure you were okay. How are you feeling?" he asked. "I'm sore but I'm okay." I say turning towards him. He looks at me and I can see he's still worried. "Juan, I'm okay. I promise." I say and I kiss his lips. "I thought I lost you." he says as he pulls me closer to him. "I knew you would come for me." I say. "You did?" he asked. "Yeah. I did. You saved me once. I knew you would again." I say looking up at him. "You have that much faith in me?" he asked. "Of course. You haven't given me a reason not to." I say sitting up to look at him. "Juan Carlos, I know what you are thinking. You are my husband. My protector. You are the one person that loves me more than anything and you make sure that I know that everyday. Never think that you failed me. You haven't. I love you. I just wish you knew how amazing you really are." I say and he smiles a little before pulling me to him and kissing me deeply. "Gemma said you went back inside because you forgot something. What did you forget?" he asked. "I pulled away from him and whispered, "A pregnancy test." He looks at me shocked and says "Really?" I just nod my head. "Get dressed. We'll go see Tara." he says and I do what he says.

We head outside and he tells me to give him the keys to my car. He doesn't want me riding if I am pregnant. Walking into St Thomas, we go to Tara's office, as he intertwines our fingers. He knocks on her office door and when she opens it she pulls me into a hug. "Oh my God. Are you okay?" she asked. "I'm fine. A little bruised up but okay." I say. "What are you guys doing here?" she asked as she lets us in and closes the office door. "We were wondering if you could do something for us?" Juice starts. "Sure. What do you need?" Tara asked. "A pregnancy test." I say and Tara smiles wide and says, "Let me get what we need and we'll do the test." Tara comes back in, draws blood and has one of the nurses put a rush on it.

Thirty minutes later, Tara's office phone rings and she answers it. Looking at me smiling, she says "The test came back positive. Congrats." Juice pulls me to him and kisses me hard and whispers, "I love you so fucking much." Tara leads us to an exam room and pulls the ultrasound machine over. She puts the gel on my stomach and moves the wand around. Then we hear a little thumping sound. "Holy shit! What's that?" Juice asked. "That's the baby's heartbeat." she says and he smiles even wider if that was even possible. She moves the wand around a little more and shows us a little blog on the screen. "This little blob right here is the baby. Looks to be measuring about seven weeks. Congrats guys." she says. She prints out the pictures, hands me a prescription for prenatals and schedules my first appointment with the OBGYN. We hug her goodbye and head out to the car. Once in the car, he hands me all but one of the pictures. He takes it and puts it in the inside pocket of his kutte.

We pull into the lot and walk into the clubhouse and walk to the bar. Juice asks for a beer for him and I ask for a water. "What's up guys?" Tig asked. "Not much." I say. "Bull shit. Idiot here can't stop smiling more than normal. Something's up." he says. I look at Juice and nod and he says "Manda's pregnant. We're having a baby." he says. Everyone comes up and congratulates us. "That what you went back inside for?" Gemma asked me. "Yeah. But didn't make it that far. We went to see Tara and she confirmed it. I'm seven weeks." I tell her and show her the ultrasound pictures. I look at Juice and he can't stop smiling. I just shake my head and smile along with him. He pulls me closer and kisses my cheek and whispers "You don't know how happy you have made me." I kiss his cheek and just lean into him. Gemma hugs me again and says "See, I told you that you were just what he needed."


	7. Chapter 7

I sit at the bar with Gemma and see Juan on the other side of the room showing the ultrasound pictures off to everyone. "He sure looks happy." Gemma says. "Yeah, he is. As soon as I told him I thought I was pregnant, he told me we would go see Tara." I say. She looks at me for a minute and asked "You happy about this?" I look at her and say "I really am." I tell her. "But." she says. "But, I didn't have a good role model for what a mom is supposed to be. I don't have the first clue how to be a mom." I tell her as a tear rolls down my face. Juan looks at me and I wave off that I'm fine. He doesn't believe me and comes over. "Talk to me babe. What's wrong?" he asked. "I'm okay. I was just thinking is all." I tell him. He takes my hand and leads me to the dorm. "Talk to me." he says softly. "Are you not happy about the baby?" he asked. I look at him with wide eyes and say "I'm very happy about the baby but I'm scared. I don't know anything about being a mom. I mean, mine shoved me off on the club first chance she got. I'm just scared that I won't know what to do and will turn out like my mom." I tell him. "Look at me. You are not her. You are an amazing person. I see you with Abel and Thomas. I see you with Opie's kids. You are a natural. I have faith in you." he says and I start to cry again. Fucking hormones.

We walk back out to the main room after I splash water on my face. "You feel better now?" Gemma asked. "Yeah. I do." I say. "Good. I came to check on you and heard what your Old Man said. What you have there, sweetheart, is solid. As far as being a mom? You are going to make an amazing mom because I will be there to help you along the way." she tells me and I move to her to hug her. "Thanks Ma." I tell her. We sit at the bar and one of the prospects asked if I wanted another water and I nodded my head yes. "Congrats by the way, Manda. Gemma's right, you are going to be a great mom. We all see how you are with Juice and all the club kids. You got this." he tells me. "Thanks Sack." I tell him.

We are all still at the clubhouse later that evening, and I start to yawn. "You tired baby?" Juan asked. "A little." I tell him. "Come on. Let's head to bed." he tells me. "That's okay. You hang out here a while. I'll be okay." I tell him. "Nope. You go to bed, I do too." he tells me before kissing me softly. He takes my hand and walks me to our dorm and once inside, we get undressed and climb into bed. I lay with my back to him and he has his hand on my stomach, rubbing it. "You want a boy or a girl?" he asked softly. "I want a boy first." I tell him. "First?" he asked. I turn in his arms and look him in the eye and say "I never thought I wanted kids. Until you. Now I want a house full." I tell him. "Good. I do too. I want a big family." he tells me. We talk a little longer before we both fall into a restful sleep.

Waking up the next morning, I feel Juan kissing the side of my neck. "Come on baby. We gotta get up." He says. We get up and dressed and head out to the main room. The smell of the bacon makes my stomach growl but the smell of the sausage makes me run the other way, sick. "You okay baby?" he asked as he follows me into the bathroom. I empty what little was still in my stomach from the night before and say "Yeah. Baby doesn't like sausage I guess." I laugh. He asked "You gonna be able to eat?" I just looked at him and nodded.

We walk to the table and I go to get our food and he tells me to sit down. "I got it. You don't need to be near that much sausage." Juan says. I nod and he kisses me softly and says "I love you." before walking over to make our plates.


	8. Chapter 8

***20 Weeks Pregnant***

Sitting in the office waiting on the nurse to call me back, I look over and Juan walks in the door. I had told him about my appointment but didn't know if he would be able to make it. He leans down and kisses me before sitting beside me. "I didn't think you were going to make it." I said. "Me either but Jax made sure I was out in time. I think he's taking this brother thing pretty seriously." he tells me and I lean against him smiling. The nurse calls us back and asked "How are you feeling Mrs. Ortiz?" I just smile and say "I'm good." She smiles and takes my vitals and blood and takes us to the exam room.

Once in the exam room, the doctor comes in and does my measurements. "Looks like you are measuring where you should be so let's check this little one out." she says before pulling the ultrasound machine over. Putting the gel on my stomach, and moves the wand around. We hear a thumping sound and Juan grins and kisses me softly. "So, you wanna know what this little one is?" she asked and we nod yes. She moves the wand again and we see a little blob come up on the screen. "Hmmm." the doctor says. "Something wrong?" I asked getting nervous and so was Juan. Smiling the doctor looks at us and says, "We were only picking up one heartbeat but looks like there are two babies." she says. "But one heartbeat?" I asked scared that something was wrong. Moving the wand around more, she found the second heartbeat. We all release the breath we were all holding. "There we go. Now, let's see what these little sweethearts are." Moving the wand again, we see both babies. "Baby A is a boy. And...Baby B is a...girl." she says and starts printing out the ultrasound pictures. "I'll let you two have a minute. Congrats Mr and Mrs Oritz." she says smiling. "Holy shit. Twins babe." Juan says looking at the ultrasound pictures. He doesn't say anything else and his face isn't giving anything away. I sit up and start wiping the gel off and pulling my pants back over my belly and I don't look at him. "Hey, you okay?" he asked me and I just nod. "Hey. Baby. Look at me." he says and tilts my head up to look at him. "Are you not happy about this?" he asked. "I am. I'm really happy." I tell him. "Talk to me." He says. "Are you okay with this?" I asked him and his eye went wide. "Why would I not be happy about this?" he asked. "You just didn't say anything or look at me and it scared me." I said. "Baby, this is the best thing to happen to me since our wedding day." he says and pulls me to him. "Twins. Baby, we're having twins." he says kissing my temple.

Walking into the clubhouse later, we walk in and Gemma walks right over and says "So, am I having a grandson or a granddaughter?" I just look at Juan and then her and say "Both." She looks at me confused and then it clicks. "Holy shit. Twins?" she asked. Juan hands her an ultrasound picture and says "This one's for you Grandma." She smiles and kisses both our cheeks. Jax comes over and asked what was going on. "Looks like our little love birds here are having twins. A boy and a girl." Gemma says. Everyone walks over and is cheering and congratulating us.

Later that evening, we are sitting at home and I am rubbing my belly. I can feel them kicking up a storm and all of a sudden I grab Juan's hand and put it to my belly and he feels one of them kick. "Is this what you feel all the time?" he asked. "Pretty much. I just thought the baby was really active. I didn't know there were two in there." I say laughing. After a couple of minutes, I get serious. "Are you sure you are okay with this? I know you are happy we are having a baby but, Juan, we are having twins." I tell him. He pulls me closer and kisses me softly and says "I am better than okay with this. We are having twins baby. A boy and a girl. But we do need to do one thing." he says and I look at him confused. "What's that?" I asked. "Figure out names." he says. "How about I name the boy and you name the girl?" I say. "Okay. You go first." he says. I think for a minute and say "I have been thinking of a name for a while. Carlos Fillip. After you and Chibs since you and him are so close." I tell him. "I love that name. How about for a girl, Natalie Alexandra after Jax' middle name and Tig since you are so close to them." he says. I smile and say "Looks like we have their names."

Later that night, we are laying in bed and Juan moves down the bed where he is level with my belly. "Alright Carlos and Natalie, Mommy and Daddy love you both very much but you guys need to stop kicking Mommy so much. She needs sleep to be able to keep up with you two when you get here. Not too much longer and we will meet you guys. Good night my babies." he says before kissing my belly. "You are such a cheeseball." I tell him. He moves back up and kisses me softly and says "But I'm your cheeseball." I laugh and say "I love you Juan." He lays his head on my chest and says "I love you too Manda."


	9. Chapter 9

***38 weeks pregnant***

I wake up with feeling like I am being torn apart. I look at the clock and see that it's 2:45am and I try to lay back down. Another pain hits me and I cry out in pain and it wakes Juan up. "Manda. Babe. Are you okay?" he asks sitting up. "Contractions." I say. He smiles and says "We need to go." I let him help me out of the bed and we head to the car. Juan had put the car seats as well as our bags in the car a week ago so that all we would have to do was get in and go. At first I thought he was being a little over anxious but now I am so glad he did. Getting in the car, he pulls out of the driveway and I grab my phone and call Gemma. "Manda? What's wrong?" she asked clearly being woken up. "Hey Ma. Meet us at the hospital?" I asked. "Holy shit. Yeah. I'll call Jax." she says before we end the call. Heading inside, we are taken to labor and delivery.

Seven hours later, we are holding both babies in our arms. Juan is holding Natalie and I have Carlos. Gemma is sitting beside me on the bed and looking at both babies. "You did so good baby. They are beautiful." Gemma says. "Yeah, sis. You did great." Jax says and I can't help but smile. They leave and the rest of the club comes in a couple at a time to see the babies. Once everyone is gone, we are sitting there together and feeding both babies and I look at Juan. He's looking down at Carlos and looks deep in thought. "Juan?" I call to him. He looks up at me and I ask, "Are you okay?" He smiles at me and says "Manda, I have never been better. I finally have the family that I have always wanted. I have an amazing wife and two perfect kids." I smile at him and say "I guess we both finally got the family we wanted." I say looking down at Natalie. He gets up and puts Carlos in the bassinet and places Natalie beside him. Walking over to the bed, he sits down next to me and takes my hand in his. "Tell me what you're thinking." he says. "Nothing. Just...worried I guess." I say. "Worried about what?" he asked. "Juan, you saw what kind of parents I had. I am so scared that I won't be able to be a good mother to them." I feel a tear fall down my cheek and he wipes it away. "Baby, you are going to be an amazing mom. Do you love them?" he asked. "Of course I do." I say. "Then you are already ten times the mom your mom was." he says and kisses me softly. "I love you Daddy." I say. "I love you Mommy." he says.

The next day, Juan and I are sitting in my room with the babies. The nurse comes in and says "We are going to take these sweet babies to the nursery for a while and let mommy and daddy get some rest." We kiss them and the nurse rolls the bassinet out of the room. Twenty minutes later, there's a knock on the door and in walk my parents. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "Well, we heard we were grandparents and wanted to meet our grandbaby." my mother says. "You are not grandparents. You sold me to the highest bidder but you know what? That ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me. Juice has been better to me than you two ever where. Now, I'm tired and need to rest. You can leave now and never come back." I say. My father speaks up and says "Watch it little girl. We took care of you. We raised you." he says. "No, you beat me and left me to fend for myself and then again sold me the first chance you got." I say. "You both need to leave me and my wife alone. You don't have any right to be here." Juan says. "Boy, she's my daughter. I will have you removed." my father says. "Well, she's my wife so that makes me her next of kin. Not you. Manda, hit the call button baby." Juan says. I push the button and the nurse comes in. "Need something Sweetheart?" she asked sweetly. "Can you please have security escort these two out? I don't want them anywhere near me or my family." I say. "We are your family." my mother says. "No, you stopped being my family, the minute I married Juice." I say and the nurse leads them out of the room and security escorts them out. "Are you okay?" Juan asks. "Yeah baby. I'm good." I say. "I'm proud of how you stood up for them." he says. "I wouldn't have been able to do that if you weren't here." I tell him. "Yeah you would've. You're strong baby. Stronger than you think." he tells me before kissing me softly and laying down on the bed beside me.


	10. Chapter 10

A couple of days later, we are all being released from the hospital. Pulling into the driveway at home, I see the street and most of the driveway filled with cars and bikes. Walking into the house, Me walking and Juan carrying both carriers, both babies are immediately taken from the carriers and everyone is cooing over them. Juan helps me to the couch and I smile seeing how much love this family is showing us. Juan moves to talk to some of his brothers and Gemma sits down next to me with Natalie in her arms. "How did you come up with their names?" she asked. Everyone turns to me and I say "Carlos Filip is named after Juan and Chibs and Natalie Alexandra is named after Jax's middle name and Tig's name. The people that we love the most." I tell them all. Tig walks over and says "Baby girl, that means so much to me." I smile at him and say "You have treated me like I was your daughter since the day I met you. No way was one of my kids not being named after you somehow." I tell him. Jax smiled at me and I say "My brother too." Chibs walks over and pulls Juan into a hug and says something but I can't tell what. I see Juan smile and pats Chibs on the back before Chibs walks over and kisses my cheek. "We also chose godparents for them." Juan says. "Lyla and Opie" I say. They all smile at us and before long, they all start leaving until it was just Juan, I and the babies. After feeding them and putting them to bed, we are laying in bed and I asked him, "What did Chibs say to you?" He smiles and says "He told me that we gave him some beautiful grandbabies." I smile and say, "Well, they have Chibs, Tig and Gemma as grandparents so these babies are going to be so spoiled." He starts laughing and I can't help but laugh along.

A couple of weeks later, I am sitting at home when there's a knock on the door. Picking up my gun, I look over at the babies in their swings and see that they are sleeping. I look thought the peephole and see my parents standing there. I pick up the phone and call Juan while making sure that the locks are secure. "Hey babe." Juan says as he picks up. "My parents are standing on our doorstep." I tell him. "We are on our way." he says before ending the call. They knock again and I hear my dad saying "Manda, we know you are in there. Open the door." I don't say anything and all of a sudden, we hear the sound of bikes pulling up. I still have my gun in my hand just incase. Bobby walks in and I put my gun back in my hiding spot and move to check on the babies. "Are you okay Sweetheart?" Bobby asked. "I am now. I didn't even acknowledge that they were out there. As soon as they knocked I called Juice." I tell him. "You did good baby girl. We'll handle them." he says.

Walking towards the door, I step out onto the porch while Bobby is inside the house with the twins. "Manda, all we want is to see you and the baby." my mom says. "I told you at the hospital to stay away from us. My kids have their grandparents and it's not you." I tell them. Their eyes go wide and my mom says "Kids? More than one?" I sigh. "Yeah. Twins. That you will never see. You made your decision. Please just leave us alone and let me be happy for once." I say as tears fill my eyes. Juan pulls me to him and I bury my head into his chest. He looks at my parents and then looks at me. "Go back in the house baby." I nod and walk back inside. I hear Juan telling them "You come near my wife or my kids again, I will end you. Do you understand?" I head my dad say "Yeah. We got it." before they leave. Juan walks into the house and pulls me back to him and I start sobbing. "Why won't they just leave us alone?" I asked. "I don't know baby. I really don't. But I won't let them near you or the babies again." he says before kissing the top of my head. "Might not be a bad idea to have someone keeping an eye on them." Bobby says. "You don't think they have something planned do you?" Tig asked. "I don't want to chance it." Jax says. "Baby, get a bag for you and the kids together. We are going to stay at the clubhouse for a little bit." Juan says. "Okay baby." I say before going to the bedroom and getting all of our things ready.

Twenty minutes later, I have clothes, diapers, formula for the kids and clothes and such for me and Juan ready to walk out the door. Bobby and Tig already had the babies in their carriers, ready to put in the car. I get in the driver's seat and Juan gets on his bike. We head to the clubhouse with Juan and Tig in front and Bobby and Jax behind us. Pulling onto the lot, we get out of the car as Gemma pulls up. "What's wrong?" she asked worried. "Manda's parents showed up wanting to see her and the twins. We think they might be planning something because they showed up at the hospital too. They are staying here while we figure out what's going on." Jax tells her. She looks at me and says "Whatever you and the babies need, you tell me okay baby?" I hug her and say "Yes momma." We all head into the clubhouse and the guys head into church to figure out the next step while Gemma and I are sitting with the twins.


	11. Chapter 11

The guys were in church for almost an hour before walking out. "Gemma, can you watch the twins for a minute?" Juan asked. Gemma nodded her head and Juan lead me back to one of the dorm rooms. Locking the door behind us, he pulls me over to the bed to sit down. He sits and then pulls me into his lap. I rub my hand over the back of his head and wait on him to speak. "We have the prospects watching your parents. Once we see what's going on, we will plan the next step." he tells me. "Okay so until then we stay here?" I asked. "Yeah. I'm sorry baby." he tells me. "This is not on you. You saved me baby." I say. He smiles up at me and says "I'll always protect you and our babies." he says as he pulls me closer. "I know you will. Never doubted." I say as I kiss him softly.

Walking back into the main room, I see Lyla and Gemma feeding the twins as we walk over. Sitting down next to Gemma, I wonder what's going to happen. "It's going to be okay." Gemma tells me and I smile softly. "I hope so."

It's been a couple of days since we went on lockdown and the babies need more diapers and I need to get out for a bit. "Juice, Manda and I need to go to the store. Babies are almost out of diapers and formula." Gemma says. "Take one of the prospects with you. Babe, you carrying?" Juan asked. "Yeah." I say simply. He kisses me and Lyla agrees to watch the babies so we can go.

We pick up what we need for the twins and the prospect is putting the bags in the trunk of the car when someone hits him from behind as someone grabs me and Gemma. Once they have me in the van, they knock Gemma out and take off with me. A little later, I am pulled into a house in the middle of the woods and come face to face with my father. Shit. "What do you want?" I asked him. "You don't get to ask questions." my father tells me. "Take her to the bedroom and stand guard." he tells one of the men that grabbed me. I am tossed into one of the bedrooms and a little while later, my mother walks in. "Mother. What do you want?" I asked. "You wouldn't let us near our grandbabies, and we owe some men some money so since we can't make money off of them, you made us money once, you can do it again." she says and my eyes go wide. "You're going to sell me?" I asked, shocked. "No dear. Not exactly. It's more, renting you, by the hour." she tells me and I start trying to fight my way out of the room.

"We have to find her Jax." Juice yelled after Gemma and the prospect told them what happened. "This has to be her parents." Gemma speaks out. "I saw one of the guys. He had ink like Darby's." They all look at each other and Jax tells Chibs, "Call Darby for a meet." Chibs does as asked and an hour later, they are meeting with Darby. "My mom and his Old Lady got attacked today and they took his Old Lady. Mom said ink looked like yours." Jax says. "Wasn't one of my guys. But I can tell you where to look. Couple of guys that were recently departed from my crew, have been dealing and running books and their best customers are his inlaws." He says nodding towards Juice. "I'll fucking kill them." Juice seethes. "One of my guys overheard them that they were going to take a couple of little ones to clear their debt but, looks like they are going to use their dear momma too." Darby says. "You know where they might have taken her?" Tig asked. "There's a little house, middle of Chigger Woods. Could be holding her there. Might only be a couple of guys with them." Darby said. "Thanks" Jax said simply. "Don't agree with the color but don't want a mother taken from her babies." Darby said before walking away. The guys head to Chigger Woods.

A couple of hours later, the guys are scoping out the house. "I'll go up and see what we are up against." The prospect says. "No, I'll go." Tig says. "I'm the one that let her get taken. I'll go." he says feeling responsible for her being taken. He comes back a few minutes later and says "She's in the back bedroom. Alone. One man in front of the door, one in the kitchen. Parents are in the living room." the prospect says. "She okay?" Juice asked. "She's not tied up but she's upset." he tells them. They surround the house and bust in, putting a bullet in both men's heads and surrounding my parents while Jax and Juan come the bedroom door. Opening the door, I scramble back against the wall until I see Juan. I throw myself in his arms and asked "Where's Gemma? The prospect?" He pulls me back and says Gemma is fine. The prospect comes around the corner, hearing me ask and says "I'm here. Are you okay?" I move from Juan to the prospect, hugging him. Once I let go, we head out the the living room and see everyone with their guns trained on my parents. "Why did you take my kid?" Tig asked, clearly pissed off. "Pop." I say. He pulls me to his side and kisses my temple. "You see this girl? She's my kid. Not yours." Tig says. "I know why they took me. They are back in debt again, and had planned on selling my kids like they did me but took me instead. They were going to...how did you put it? Oh yeah, rent me by the hour was how you worded it." Happy pushes his gun into my dad's temple harder. "Can I Pres?" he asked. Jax looked at me and Happy did too. I nodded my head and he pulled the trigger, killing my father. My mother screams and says "It was all his idea. I didn't want to go along with it. Manda, sweetheart…" was a far as she got before I took Tig's gun and pulled the trigger myself, killing her instantly. Tig takes the gun and says "You did good kid." I nodded and moved back to Juan's arms. I look up at him and say "Take me to my babies?" He kisses me softly and we walk out the door while the guys clean everything up. Walking into the clubhouse, Gemma pulls me into a hug and walks me over to my babies. Seeing them in their bassinets that the club kept around for them, I kissed each of them and said "Mommy and Daddy will never let anything happen to you."


	12. Chapter 12

Later that night, we are home and putting the kids to bed. Laying in bed with Juan, he is snoring softly beside me and I can't sleep. I slowly slip out of bed and make my way to the nursery. Standing there, looking at my babies, I feel a tear fall down my cheek. My mind won't shut off. I pull the rocking chair over between the cribs and sit down, just watching them sleep. After a while, I look up and Juan is standing in the doorway to the nursery, just looking at me. Walking over, he kneels down in front of me. "Talk to me babe." I look back at the twins and say "I look at these two and I love them so much. It makes me wonder what was so horrible about me to make them hate me so much." I say. "Baby, that was on them. Not you. Some people are just not meant to be parents." he tells me. I look at him, "I'm so scared that I will turn out like them. I love my babies, Juan but I'm scared I won't be a good mom." I tell him as the tears start flowing. He pulls me up and sits in the rocker and pulls me into his lap. "Babe, you are already ten times the parent they were." he tells me. I just lay my head on his shoulder and cry.

I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, I was waking up in bed, and could hear Juan in the nursery talking to the twins. "Mommy and Daddy love you both so much. But let me tell you something about your Mommy. She's worried she won't be a good mom but you both are healthy and happy babies and I am happy. That's because of your Mommy. She's amazing. She didn't have people to love her like you two do so we have to love her more for that but I don't think that will be a problem. I love you two and your mommy more than anything in this world. But I'm going to tell you something but you have to keep it a secret from Mommy. She saved me. Daddy was in a bad place and she brought me out of that. She thinks that I saved her but really, she saved me." he tells our babies. I wipe the tears from my cheeks and get out of bed. Walking into the kitchen to start breakfast.

Once breakfast is done, Juan and I are sitting at the table while the babies are in their bouncers and I tell him, "I heard what you said to the twins." He smiles and says "I meant it. You saved me baby." I get up from my seat and walk over to sit in his lap. "We saved each other Juan." I tell him and he kisses me softly. I hear him groan as we deepen the kiss. He pulls away and says "Two more weeks. Just two more weeks." I laugh a little and say "Maybe I can help a little." I get down on my knees in front of him and pull out his hard member before sliding my lips over the head and taking him entirely in my mouth. I slide my mouth up and down his member before he starts to softly thrust. After a few minutes, he releases his load in my mouth and I swallow each drop. Getting up, he pulls me up and pulls me to him. Holding me he says "I fucking love you." I laugh a little and say "Love you too."

After the kitchen is cleaned, I sit in the living room with Juan and the babies when there's a knock on the door. Juan gets up to answer and sees that it's Jax. Letting him in, he walks over to me and hugs me. "Sis, I just wanted to check in and see how you're holding up." he asked. "I'm okay. Jax, they gave birth to me but they weren't my parents. Gemma and Tig are my parents. They did nothing but beat me and treat me like I wasn't worth the air I breathe. Them being gone, I get to raise my kids and not have to look over my shoulder all the time, wondering when they will come back. They were going to take my kids but got me instead. Jax, they were going to rent me. All I ever was to them was a way to make money and a punching bag. Plus, Juice and I talked last night and I am feeling a lot better about everything." I tell him. Smiling, he looks at me and pulls me into a hug. "Call me if you need anything sis. Love you." he says. "Love you too brother." I say.


	13. Chapter 13

I meant what I said to Jax and Juan. I am feeling better about losing them. I'm still worried I won't be a good mom but that is something all new mom's worry about. I am sitting at home with the twins and they have been sleeping for a while. Juan is working but the garage is only five minutes away. I go to check on the babies and Natalie seems fine but when I touch Carlos, he's burning up. I get the thermometer and take his temperature and see that it's 103* and I grab my phone and call Juan. "Hey babe. What's up?" Juan asked. "I think we need to take Carlos to the ER. He's running a fever of 103 and I can't get him to respond to me." I tell him almost in tears. "I'm on my way. Get his diaper bag ready." he tells me and ends the call. A couple of minutes later, Juan walks in and grabs Carlos and Gemma is behind him. "I got baby girl." she tells me and we run out the door and to St Thomas.

We have been at St Thomas for over an hour and the doctor finally tells us what's going on. "Looks like he has a bacterial infection but him being as young as he is, we want to keep him here overnight at least so that we can moniter him. He's still running a fever but it is lower than when he came in." she says. I call Gemma to tell her that they are keeping Carlos overnight and she agrees to take Natalie to her house for the night.

We had been sitting beside Carlos' crib, just watching him. I don't take my eyes off of him, scared that something will happen. About 3am, one of the alarms goes off on one of the machines hooked up to Carlos and three nurses start filing into the room. Juan and I step back and we see Carlos' little body start convulsing. One of the nurses leads us out of the room. "No! I want to be with my son!" I yell, crying. Ten minutes later, the nurse let's us back into the room and we are immediately by Carlos' side. The doctor comes in and explains what happened. "His fever spiked to 105 and caused him to have a small seizure. We have given him a different medicine that should bring the fever down but this seizure, we won't know if it did any damage until he gets older but we are still going to moniter him." she tells us.

After the doctor and nurses leave the room, we are sitting beside Carlos and I am in Juan's lap and we are both crying. "He's going to be okay baby." he tries to assure me but I am still scared. Neither of us sleep at all that night. We both just sit there, watching him. Neither of us saying anything.

The next morning, Jax comes to the hospital to check on us. "How's he doing?" he asked. "His fever is finally broken but they want to keep him until tomorrow just for precaution because of the seizure last night." Juan tells Jax and he rubs his hand down his face. "Seizure? Is he okay?" Jax asked. "We think so. They won't know until he's older if there's any damage from the seizure but they think his fever will stay down." Juan explains. "I just got off the phone with Gemma. She says Natalie is okay." I tell both men.

After Jax leaves, we sit back down next to Carlos and just watch him. "Babe, you need to get some sleep." Juan tells me. "I can't sleep. Not until I know my baby is going to be okay." I tell him. "Come here." he says and I walk over to him on the other side of the bed. He pulls the reclining chair over to the bed and pulls out the foor rest. Sitting down, I sit with him and we just watch Carlos in silence. I must have dozed off because next thing I know, it's morning and Juan is still watching Carlos. "Hey baby." I say. "How'd you sleep?" he asked. "Okay. Any change?" I asked. "Doctor came in a few minutes ago and said that he might get to go home today since his fever has stayed down." he tells me. "Good. Why don't you sleep for a little bit and I will keep watch." I tell him and he kisses me before closing his eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

Later that afternoon, Carlos is released from the hospital. I am sitting in the backseat watching him. We called Gemma as we were leaving to tell her we were on the way home. Pulling in the driveway, we walk in and Gemma is sitting there feeding Natalie. We walk in and Juan puts the carrier down and gets Carlos out. I walk over and take Natalie from Gemma and burp her and just hold her to me. "How was she?" I asked. "She was an angel. How's Carlos?" she asked. "They think he will be fine. Won't know until he's older if the seizure did any damage but he's been awake some today and alert so that's better than he was." I tell her. "Good. We were all worried about him." she tells me. I lean against her shoulder, holding Natalie while she holds Carlos. She whispers to me "You did good baby girl. You are a great momma." I feel a tear fall from my eye when she says this, like she knows what I was thinking.

That night, we feed, change and bathe the twins and go to put them to bed. Once they are down, I just sit in the rocker and watch my babies sleep. Juan comes into the room and kneels in front of me. "You okay baby?" he asked. "I don't know." I tell him. "Talk to me." he says. "I'm just so scared something is going to happen to them. What if I hadn't checked on them when I did, Juan?" I start to sob. "Baby, look at me." he says. I look up at him and he wipes the tears from my cheeks. "You are an amazing mom. You did good babe. Our babies love you. You are the one that caught that something was wrong. You did. Don't ever doubt yourself." he tells me. I nod. He stands up and takes my hand and says, "Let's go to bed. We can hear them through the monitor." he tells me. I walk over to the crib one more time and touch both of their heads before walking back to the door to where Juan was waiting on me.

We walk into the bedroom and Juan sits on the bed and watches me. I walk to the bathroom and start the shower. Once inside, I start to sob until the water gets cold. I get out, dry off and walk out to the bedroom. Juan is laying in bed waiting on me but he doesn't say anything. He just watches me. I walk to the dresser and pull out one of his SAMCRO shirts and a pair of panties and put them on before climbing into bed. He opens his arms and I snuggle up next to him and lay my head on his chest before drifting off to sleep listening to his heartbeat.

The next morning, I hear the babies start crying and I get out of bed and go to the nursery. Carlos looks up at me and I get him out first and start changing him. I kiss his forehead and he feels cool and that relieves me. I put him back in his crib and get Natalie and get her changed. Juan walks into the room with two bottles and he takes Natalie while I take Carlos and we feed the babies. "What's on the agenda today?" I asked. "Working at TM and then we have a meeting with the Mayans." Juan says. "Okay. I think I might ask Gemma to come over for lunch." I say. "You okay baby?" he asked. "Yeah. Just have some things going through my head that I need to talk to another mom about. Maybe she can help me process this shit." I tell him. "That's a good idea babe." he says. We finish feeding the babies and put them in their swings in the living room.

I walk into the kitchen to get breakfast started while Juan jumps in the shower. Once he comes back out, I hand him his plate and get my own. Sitting at the table, he looks at me. "What?" I asked. "I have an idea to run by you. I was thinking about this while we were at the hospital with Carlos." he tells me. "Okay. What is it?" I asked. "You told me when we first got married that you wanted to be a writer." he says. "Yeah. What about it?" I asked. "Why don't you write a book or do a blog about being a new mom?" he asked. "That's not a bad idea. Might help me work through all of these things I've been stressing about." I say. After breakfast, I start cleaning up the kitchen and Juan kisses me goodbye and heads to work.

I call Gemma and asked her to come over and she's there within minutes. "Hey baby girl. How you holding up?" she asked. "I'm holding. Still freaking out at every little thing." I tell her. "That will ease up. When something happens to one of your babies, it causes all this anxiety to come up. It eases. I promise." she tells me. "Juice suggested something this morning that I think might help me." I say. "What was that?" she asked. "He suggested that I write a book or do a blog about being a new mom. I don't know about writing a book but thought about writing a blog and that might help me get those fears out and blogs are set up where people can comment their advice or their experiences." I say. "That sounds like a good idea baby. It really does." she tells me. We talk a little more before she kisses the babies and heads out to let me think more about setting up a blog.


	15. Chapter 15

After Gemma left, the babies are sleeping, I sit down with my laptop that Juan bought me. I pull up my documents and create a new page. What to write about? I look at the twins in their swings and the first thing that comes to my mind are the fears I have at being the kind of mother that I had, so I start writing.

Growing up, I didn't have a loving mother and father. I had both of them there but neither were loving. My entire life, I never thought that I would have a family of my own but now, I have married an amazing man and am the mother of not just one, but two perfect little people. That's right. I'm the new mother of twins. But here's the thing. A week ago, one of my newborn twins started running a fever and was hospitalized. My son had a seizure and cared us both to death. Ever since he came home, I keep checking on him scared to death that something is going to happen. How do I deal with that? How do I stop freaking out over every little thing. I'm a stay at home a mom and as much as I am looking forward to being here everyday to watch my babies grow, it scares me to death that I won't be a good mom. My mom's idea of being a good mom was not helping my dad beat me. Hell, if it weren't for my husband, I don't think I would be here today. He's an amazing husband and father and I am so grateful for him.

But as far as my babies go, how do I make sure that I don't end up being like my parents? Aren't things like that hereditary? I mean, really. I didn't have a good example of what a mother should be so I feel like I am just playing it by ear. Maybe that's what being a parent is, playing it by ear. Just feed them, clothe them and love them and the rest you just play by ear. So that's what I will do until I figure this out. Fake it til you make it right?

I save the document on my computer and before I know it, Juan is walking in the front door. "Hey baby. How was your day?" I ask. "Good. Wasn't too busy. You feeling better?" he asked. "Yeah. Kids are fed and bathed and dinner is almost done." I tell him. "I'll get a shower and we can eat." he tells me and kisses me before heading to the shower.

Coming into the kitchen, I hand him his plate and a beer before getting my plate and water. "I, uh, thought about what you said about the blog." I tell him. "What did you decide?" he asked. "I talked to Gemma and she agreed that doing a blog would be a good idea. So, I looked at a couple of websites and Wordpress seems to be the best one but I wrote my first blog post but haven't set up the blog yet." I tell him. "Can I read it?" he asked. "Yeah. I don't keep anything from you." I tell him.

After dinner we are sitting in the living room and he takes my laptop and sets up the blog site for me. Then I pull up the post that I drafted and he started reading. Once he was done, he looked at me and says "Wow. That was really good. Did it seem to make you feel better getting it out in writing?" he asked. "Yeah, it did. It made me feel like what I am feeling isn't completely insane." I tell him. "Well, let's get this posted." he tells me. He hands me the laptop and I copy the text and paste it in a blog post and hit 'publish' and it's official, I have a blog.

After we put the babies to bed, Juan pulls out a box. "What's this?" I asked. "I know you have been worried so I found a better baby monitor. This one is made specifically for twins and is a video cam. It's even set up where whenever someone else is here with the babies, we can check in on them from our phones." he explains. I look at him shocked. "Juan, this is amazing." I tell him. "How amazing?" he asked. I straddle him and kiss him deeply and whisper "absolutely amazing."


	16. Chapter 16

It's been a couple of months since I started my blog and me, Juan and the twins seem to have gotten into our own little routine. After breakfast, I am cleaning up the kitchen. Juan comes up behind me and says "I have the day off. What do you want to do today?" he asked. "Maybe we can take the kids out for the day. I know they are still too little but maybe we could go to the aquarium or something?" I asked. "That sounds like a great idea babe." he says, kissing my neck. "You keep that up and we won't make it out of the house." I say. "That sounds like a good idea too." he says. I just shake my head. "You know as soon as the doctor gave me the all clear, you would think you were trying to knock me up again." I say laughing. "And if I were?" he asked, almost seriously. "Juan?" I asked. "I'm not trying to knock you up but if it were to happen, I would love him or her just the same as the twins. But, no, babe, I'm not trying to knock you up but I have missed making love to my wife." he tells me. "You just miss the shower sex." I say laughing. "That too." he says laughing with me.

I finish cleaning up the kitchen and we get the kids ready and ourselves ready to walk out the door. Pulling up to the aquarium, we have the babies strapped to our chests and head in to see the exhibits. We spend the next couple of hours walking through and seeing everything while the babies were sleeping but it was us spending time as a family. Family. I have a real family. After the aquarium, we head to get something to eat. Sitting at the diner, eating with one hand and feeding the babies with our other, we talk about everything and nothing all at the same time.

Once we make it home, we unload the babies, the diaper bag and the stuffed animals that Juan insisted on buying the babies. We order pizza and bathe and put the babies down while we wait for the food. Sitting down, Juan turns the tv on and I pick up my laptop. "You gonna post about today?" he asked. "I thought I would if that's okay?" I asked. "That's fine baby. You know most of the guys have me read them your blog posts? They really like what you have to say." he tells me. "Really?" I asked. "Yeah. Babe, you are really good at it." he says and I can't help but smile. I start typing my blog post.

Well, today was a day of all days. My husband and I decided to take our three month old twins to the aquarium today. I know, they were really too little to enjoy it and they slept through the entire thing but my husband and I had some quality time as a family. It was amazing. You know, I had never been to anything like that. I never had a family day and it's an amazing feeling to be able to make these kind of memories with my own family. It gives me hope that I won't completely screw up my kids the way my family screwed me up. But that's the thing. My husband and my kids make me feel like I am not totally screwed up. They make me feel like I'm doing something right. And I hope that if I can do one thing by having this blog, I hope that I can help at least one mother not feel so alone.

Juan looks over my shoulder as I am writing and when I am done he says "That's amazing babe." I lean into him and say "I love you Juan. You don't know how much I love you and our kids." he kisses me softly. "Post it so we can head to bed." he tells me. I publish the blog post and close the laptop and head to bed with my husband.


	17. Chapter 17

The next several months go by and I realize that this is my life. It's a good life. One that I never would have dreamed possible. I love my husband and he has never made me doubt his love not even once and for that I am grateful. He's amazing. And our twins. They just turned a year old and I can't believe the little personalities that they have. Carlos is Juan made over. Looks just like him and acts like him. Natalie is just like me. She's quiet and observant but affectionate like her brother. It's not uncommon to see them stumbling around holding hands.

The blog is going great. Sitting at over five thousand followers, it's been great. "Your blog is amazing Manda." Gemma says. "Thanks. Juan told me that I needed to turn it into a book." I say. She looks at me and says "That's not a bad idea. Why don't you?" she asked. "I might do that. Just need to get my mind together and get it started." I tell her.

I spend the rest of the day watching the twins play in the yard before they finally get tired and take a nap. I clean the house and Juan comes home after the kids have gotten up and have been fed. Putting them in their high chair, I plate his food and then my own and we sit down to eat. "I spoke to Gemma today." I tell him. "What about?" he asked. "About the book idea that you suggested. She thinks it would be a good idea." I tell him. "Well, we have that extra room, we can turn it into an office for you." he says. The twins are in their own rooms and there's still the extra guest room. "Are you sure?" I ask. "Yeah. I'm off tomorrow. We can go shopping for office furniture and I can get the prospects to come move the furniture that's in there to the storage unit." He tells me. "Thank you." I say. He smiles at me and I say "Seriously. You have been nothing but supportive to me in the three years we've been together and I could not ask for a better husband. Thank you." I say again. "You've done as much if not more for me than I have for you. I never thought that I would have a family and now I do. Thanks to you." he says as he leans over and kisses me softly. As we kiss, we hear the twins laughing and look over to see them smiling at us. "You guys like when Daddy kisses Mommy?" he asks. Carlos mumbles "Mamama" I smile and kiss his cheek and say "Yeah baby. Momma." Natalie reaches for Juan and says "Dadada" so he picks her up and says "See, Daddy's girl." I can't help but laugh.

The next day we are out shopping for office furniture. We pay and schedule the delivery for the next day. Getting back to the house, the prospects are sitting in the driveway with a truck to take everything to the storage unit in. "Hey guys." I say. "Hey Manda." Rat says. "Come on in guys." Juan says and they start grabbing the things that we were able to bring home out of the car and carrying them into the house. I had stripped the bed that morning so it was ready to take apart and take down. "Do you want to paint the walls?" Juan asks. "Nah. I like this color. This blue is kinda calming." I tell him. "Okay." He says simply before pulling me into his arms.

Today the furniture has been delivered and the guys set it up for me just the way I want it. Juan is there because he doesn't want someone in the house with me and the twins, alone. Once the room is set up, he tells me "I spoke to Neeta and she's going to help with the twins while you work if you need her to." I smile and says "Thanks. Hopefully I can handle it but if not, I'll give her a call." I can't believe that this is happening.

I sit down while the kids are down for a nap and start to write. Words seem to come out easy because I just put myself in the mindset that each chapter is just a long blog post. I even wrote on the blog post that I am writing a book. Juan found a website where I can self publish and order my own books to promote and the club said that they would help me fund it. I could not be happier. I finally have what I wanted. A family and a writing career. All thanks to an arrangement of love.


End file.
